I am now an Editor and author of the new student humour website: The All Nighter.

It’s a website that was set up to distract students when they have coursework deadlines. It has some good articles on there already so head over there and check it out.

It also gets updated a fuck tonne more than this site so if that’s not reason enough, get off the internet…

…Nah that’s a lie, but it would make a good story.

I have been gone for quite a while but I can assure you my excuses do not involve anything remotely interesting:

1. Coursework - It has been pouring out of every orifice that does not exist, which it turns out is a lot.. Even though I always leave the work until the last minute, thinking about it causes me to not feel like updating.

2. Drinking - I have been out quite a lot because my liver pissed me off so I feel I must slowly destroy it. Updating when drunk is sometimes fun but the repercussions such as emails and knife wounds from friends that you insult just isn’t worth it.

3. Laziness - I have simply been too lazy to put my brain into gear and write a boring update. Happy?

The thing is, this in itself is an update which consists almost entirely of me explaining why I haven’t updated.. I’ve said the word update quite a lot so I won’t say it again…
Spring Time

…Just isn’t working, it’s been all of one day and we have had: Snow, Hail, Wind, Rain, Blue skys, Bright Sunshine… All in various orders.. Sort your life out mother nature.

US Political State

I would like to hope Obama will win the primaries and then be voted in by you lovely people.. Unfortunately that will not be happening.. I have come to the conclusion that the majority of US citizens are masochists and actually enjoy being mocked by the rest of the world. It seems you like a challenge and will vote in the worst candidate just for a joke or just to see how much you can take. I know this won’t affect me that much since I’m in ye oldé UK but when a country spends $315 billion on Iraq and Afghanistan then you gotta wonder. I know we aren’t much better but luckily I can say what I want and not consider actual facts and arguments. Behold the beauty of the “internets”.

Other pointless time wasting mentions

- Saw Mars Volta in Brixton last week. Now that was an awesome gig. They played for 3 uninterrupted hours…It was oh so good…

- I don’t think I’ve said update in a while… Ha.

-All in all this update has been complete shit but oh well. It’s been a while so I need to warm up. More soon.

Sorry for the almost illegally long time since the last update.. I’ve been very busy.. I’m working on a big update which I’ll write when Uni decides to stop throwing coursework in my direction..

Standing in the IT Shop in the Student’s Union, getting paid £6.60 an hour isn’t normally too bad. It funds my increasing alcohol consumption and gives me an excuse to procrastinate from Uni work.
But today is not just any day. They are showing the rugby in the hall next door, which means the shop itself is dead. It’s probably a good thing since me and Mr Tremain are feeling what is known as “I am fucked from last night” syndrome. I look at him and he is almost definitely still not allowed to drive a car.

A very strange looking gentleman came in and asked if we had a Sony Ericsson charger he could use for an hour. He didn’t seem to understand why we couldnt let him use one of our own personal chargers for his phone. Yes because I want to be blamed if my charger explodes your shitty phone. The boredom is killing me so I’ll do what I always do when I’m bored, eat….. and….masturbate…. over your laptop.

Browsing through our local Game we came across this gem.:

I present to you: Campus: Student Life Simulation

How this piece of software genius is not in the games chart I will never know. If that cover image wasn’t enough to entice you, here is the information on the back cover about the game:

5 whole characters to choose from! Where do I pay?!

Needless to say, I didn’t buy this game because I am an actual student who would rather spend the the £9.99 (Or 2 for £15) on actually going out.
If I get drunk enough I can pretend I am playing the game instead of Call of Duty.

Gazz of Gazz’s thoughts bought a tasty baguette from the Computer Science shop today. Obviously they perceive Computer scientists to have little or no common sense as the packaging had helpful instructions on how to gain access to the ham salad baguette inside.

“Open and enjoy”

Funny, I’m sure Gazz was thinking of staring at it in a disgusted yet longing way and leaving it to go off. But now he has read the packaging, he now knows what he must do to fully appreciate his lunch time snack.

With any luck, Gazz will have a first person insight into his enjoyable baguette…

I am sat in the Student Union bar with Jamie from iDevs and Chris from wtf Gecko revising for the imminent Java exam drinking copious amounts of alcohol. High brow comedy is now absent as Chris just told me:

“You are so left wing you missed the runway at Heathrow”

Now I understand describing what I’m doing in real time is the saddest thing I can do. So to go off on a tangent:
If you don’t like it, stop reading. Get off my website, Seriously, follow this link if you hate my website that much: You Incest Fucks

Thank you SomethingAwful.com for that humorous weekend web

…There will not be a pre exam stress rant today. For I am not stressed.
Have you noticed towels take a lot longer to dry than other garments of clothing in the same temperature?
This may be due to the modern “fluffed lined delta fabrics” used in the stitching. I just don’t know anymore.

If a certain housemate leaves his laptop on all night again, I may apply some destructive administration to the router

…Really do love Spooks.
However what we don’t want is irrelevant facts and figures about every actor living and dead.

Back to Gazz, who has finally returned to Cardiff.
For those who don’t know, Gazz has been on a military consultation tour in Vietnam training the soldiers there in espionage. After 4 weeks he has arrived back in the country. Hopefully the British government don’t read this as Gazz was banned from visiting the country on account of his inability to keep a secret.